Etiquette and "Tunes To Get Naked To"

I wanted to post just quickly to share two things:

The first is an article on lap dance etiquette for men that I actually found to be quite good. Please read it. I'll post more on strip club etiquette (both for patrons and new dancers) another time.

The second, to create a somewhat irregular trend, is another list! This time, it's

My 5 Favorite Songs to Striptease To

I evaluate strip club songs based on three criteria, which I consider to be the essential elements of an excellent strip tease song:

Speed:
too fast = 1
nice and slow = 10

Length:
so long my legs are going to shrivel up and fall off = 1
short and sweet = 10

Bass:
what? cowbell? = 1
can feel it from outside = 10

So, that said,

Number 5 is: A Tie! I Get Crazy/Drop It Low Girl by Nicki Minaj and Ester Dean, featuring Chris Brown, respectively.
S:6
L:8
B:6

This song is fun, lighthearted, and still has some killer beats to move to. And if Nicki isn't one hell of an icon to get into your fierce-stripper-lady mode, I don't know who is.

4. I Get It In by Omarion, featuring Lil Wayne and remixed featuring Gucci Mane
S:7
L:8
B:9

Again with the killer beats. Let's face it, it's a pretty sexy song. What's really great about it though is that it takes a moment to SLOW DOWN every so often. On my first night ever in a club, another dancer gave me what I still consider the best stripping advice I've ever gotten (possibly contested only by: don't drink on the job) and that was this: GO SLOW. Stripping is less about dancing than it is about looking sexy and moving gracefully. She told me to start off, just try to move through a series of flattering poses gracefully and as slowly as humanly possible. It's sexier, and if you don't have a whole lot of moves under your g-string, it eats up a lot of the time on your set so you don't end up hugging the pole and wiggling your butt for an entire 20 minutes. You're also a lot less likely to get carried away and fall, which is the fastest way to ruin a night. Finally, it's SHORT. There are few things more obnoxious than having to drag an act out to an 8 minute song. There's just no way to keep it entertaining that long. Dancers and customers need the change of pace.

3. Down On Me by Jeremih, featuring 50 Cent (or is it the other way around?)
S:6
L:6
B:8

Parts of this song are a little faster than I might recommend for a brand new dancer, but then again, it's basically describing a strip club experience, so how appropriate right?

2. Closer by Nine Inch Nails
S:9
L:4
B:8

There isn't much to explain about this song. It's hot and it's slow. Really slow. Yet somehow it still keeps intensity throughout. You want that. However, this is what I call a "black leather boots" song, and as they tend to be, it's a little on the longer side. It's a little out of genre for some dancers as well, and you'll probably only catch it on a rock set where sometimes you'll get a whole different "genre" of stripper.

1. Little Freak by Usher, featuring Nicki Minaj
S:9
L:5
B:9

If ever there were a perfect song to strip to, this is it. It's slow, it's hot, Nicki is on it, and it's about letting out your wild side - perfect to get you in the mindset for "dancing". Maybe it's not super short, but it's good enough to make up for that.